Complaining vs. Venting

Complaining vs. Venting

We all complain. And, let’s face it, there’s quite a bit happening these days to complain about. But is complaining working for or against us? Recent studies have shown that complaining can, in effect, weaken the brain. Studies released by Stanford University have shown that complaining or hearing others complain for 30 minutes a day could reduce the size of the Hippocampus, the portion of the brain in charge of memory and problem solving. 

The more frequently you complain, you increase your likelihood of thinking negative thoughts later. In neuroscience, the phrase “synapses that fire together wire together” is used to explain this concept.

Within the brain there are a constellation of synaptic clefts between synapses. Every time you have a thought, one synapse sends a chemical signal across the synaptic cleft to another synapse. Over time, ‘bridges’ are built, for which electric signals can travel. These electrical signals carry the relevant information you’re thinking about with their charge.

When we complain, the hormone cortisol is released into the body, which is also responsible for our fight-or-flight response. When our fight-or-flight response is activated, our brain redirects blood, oxygen and energy away from non-essential systems. Repeated complaining results in cortisol being released in higher levels, placing unnecessary stress on our systems.

So is the answer never to complain again? Not at all. There are, in fact, some healthy levels of complaining. This is where venting comes in. When we vent, we are aiming for an emotional resolution. A sharing of a problem with the expected result of letting it go. You may sit down and talk with your best friend, romantic partner, or even a counselor about the garbage day you had just to blow that negative energy out of yourself. You talk about it, you get it out of your system, and you’ll likely feel better because you’re not bottling it up inside of you.

Complaining, on the other hand, doesn’t really serve a purpose. A lot of times people just complain in circles. They aren’t looking to be heard or any kind of emotional resolution. They are just going around and around with their problems. They may even end up making themselves more anxious, angry, and upset because they just stay focused on the problem and spin it over in their mind. This may lead to rumination. Rumination is a word used to describe dwelling on a negative, disturbing thing. The person typically won’t stop thinking or talking about it but will instead keep going over it in their mind. Rumination occurs when you are no longer thinking productively about a problem. It is reasonable to think about a problem to try to find a solution for it. That’s normal. What is not normal is to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about a problem, coming up with a potential solution, and then just going back to thinking about the problem.

In order to make sure we aren’t sending ourselves down difficult roads for our brains & bodies we simply need to keep in mind where we are going with our objective. Before we complain, we have a choice. Sure, the situation may suck. But we can choose to learn and focus on how the situation can better us, grow us, make us better people. We can use the moment to make space for strength to bring us closer to happiness. We can use the moment to vent, to express the trouble we are having in a way that brings about emotional resolution & allows us to let go. Changes like these can be hard, after all we are literally rewiring our brains! But if we approach the work not by acting as these new views as a performance, but as a pattern for a better view.

-contributed by Renshi James Edward Smith, LMT